Reedeming Love

So the title of my blog is called beautiful, emphasis on the BE YOU :) I have found through life circumstances and scripture that things of this world never satisfy the way your can view yourself in a mirror. I think as a woman I CRAVE to feel beautiful and feel noticed which is such a hard thing to live up to, and if I'm not careful I just end up living a lifestyle that is focused on me and not on how Christ views me. So through joyous moments and trials, I feel as if God is shaping me to realize how he seems me through his eyes. Which if we could just step back and think about how God looks at us we would think BLAHH!!!! don't deserve your love jesus, see ya later. BUT it's totally and completely the opposite way! Jesus says that nothing can seperate us from the love of God! Absolutely nothing! He see's past all the things we have gotten ourselves into. Yes, it is okay to just sit and bask in that moment. (......ah......) AWESOME RIGHT? Okay as encouraging as all that may sound I'm pretty sure 100% of us forget every morning when we wake up and are more curious about our eyeliner being straight enough and if our jeans are just the right fade to match the cute blouse. 1 Samuel 16:7 says "People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

For me, I find my most joyous moments in realizing just how much God, the King of the World, adores me. Lately I have just really been struggling in understanding if God has a plan for me, he just seems a little distant and I feel as if my prayers are bouncing off walls. Which makes me drawn and depend on the things of the world more, which leads to more let downs and more unsatisfaction. (crummy-ness)

Today, I broke. I couldn't take any more hits. I feel stressed over school and exhausted from broken emotions. And in all honesty I prayed to Jesus asking for help, but since it wasn't coming in the timely fashion that I would prefer I got mad. Questioning if God really does have a plan for me? Am I where I am suppose to be? God are you really listening to me? (guess what... God showed up.)

So when driving home, I called my mom to just talk and ended up spilling. She encouraged me with a devotional about how God loves us through everything, and when we feel broken and can barely stand; fall to your knees. After getting myself together I went in and decided to go with Kaylan, Megan, and Bess to feed the Homeless at a place called Carpenter's Church. (such a blessing.) Just to laugh and hang out with people who are down to earth and so appreciative of the burritos and vanilla wafers we brought blesses my heart in more ways than I could imagine.

Matthew 5:8- Blessed are the pure in heart for they WILL SEE GOD. (hehehehehe) this just makes me excited! purity is so hard to grasp, but it is something I am striving for because I WANT TO SEE GOD! and this is Jesus promising me that I will when I am striving to obtain a sense of purity in my life to remain faithful to the life I have personally chosen to live by. Not in my bare minerals make up, hollister jeans, target tops, or elaborate hairstyles. Encouraging everyone out there, to be the person God designed you. We are all unique and not meant to be the same in appearance. Jesus thinks you are beautiful. :)

My Prayer

The Wesley is holding a very powerful prayer room this week called C.H.O.P. So yesterday I decided to go and see what all hype was about! The spirit was so thick in that place and the intimacy of it all was so beautiful! As I was praying I grabbed a piece of paper and just decided to write out my feelings because words weren't measuring up to the feelings going on inside of my heart. This is what it came out to; if you don't understand it, thats absolutely okay. It goes much deeper than surface level thoughts and answers, and I know Jesus understood every word.

God-

Be my everything. Even though I walk through the darkest Valley, hold my hand. EVEN MORE, pick me up and carry me in your arms that are strong and have held me through everything in the past. Oh how I desire to be your Daughter! Like you are breathing sweet vanilla and cinnamon in my face. That red colors (love) are portrayed through all my actions. Like a laughter of two best friends who have just discovered something absolutely ridiculous and tear are brought to their eyes. JOY! so much JOY! Jesus come to me in an exciting and passionate way. Sweep me off my feet. Play beautiful in my ears and revive my body with energy and passion. Your spirit meets with me at this very moment and I recall a De-Ja-Vu! WOW!! Nobody could possibly understand this but you! My biggest fear is drowning but drowing in your grace is my hearts cry! Jesus be my melody! Let me share love! So much that it overflows and I can't help but spill it everywhere. Im running through colors down a paved street and you wrap your arms around me and neither of us can let go. I fit so perfectly that I never want to leave. But you tell me to keep here. You have a plan and you aren't finished with me yet. So I continue walking and seeking you in all these places and I can't feel you. I sin! So much! It's overwhelming and convicting and I can barely breathe on the inside. I miss my Jesus. I miss that hug. That sweet reminder. I'm missing something! My passions are different from others, but I find myself having to compare myself to them because their's are showing up and mine isn't. Jesus I know that your alive. Mend my broken heart.

Love,
Your Beloved